***originally posted on April 28, 2009


I have chosen to be a good-er monster.

Lately I haven’t made much progress. When the duality of my nature struggle with each other for control, I let slip now and again, just so I can sit back and relax.

But each time I have to pull the reins in, I feel such disappointment that it can be overwhelming.

I laugh at those flashy preachers on the TV screen. For how, in nameless stupidity, do they figure that walking in faith is equal to prosperity? Did not the Man we follow walk in sorrow?

I wonder at those church people who think that the journey is all about what happens on a Sunday morning. They put on nice clothes, fix their hair a certain way, and plant a smile onto their faces. But Sunday morning never spills over into their week. Easy path, dead end.

I question those who do what they do, only as long as they get points for it. A better resume, a better standing, if it means nothing more, then they move on to the next thing. Eternity has no place in their future. The future the world offers is fleeting and unreliable. How can they not see this?

Mostly, I push myself. For as bad as all these sound, I am worse when I let myself be me. The only redeemable value I have? I cling to the One who sees who I can be, and turns my feeble attempts at change into challenges, that I may prove my mettle by not giving up.

I never bought into the thinking that it’s all smooth sailing from here. It’s never, it’s one endless valley, with mountains far between, as He deems them necessary.

I’m going the opposite way. It’s easy to get blindsided, and I can kick myself for letting it happen. But I need to keep walking.

Faithful’s journey was cut short, but Christian had to keep going. He fell asleep under that nice arbor, he struggled and despaired. But in the end, he crossed over and found his hopes were indeed reality.

Keep going. It’s lonely, and it’s tough. But it’s never without hope. Even if it’s just one teensy flicker, it’s still hope.

I can see Lucy’s brilliant smile when Aslan told her she was in Narnia for good. I look forward to hearing those words. Until then, I will walk with my Aslan.

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