Quoting My Boys, With Or Without Permission

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My sons. They keep life interesting.

Their quotes. They entertain my facebook friends.

Here are some of the more popular ones…

From Josiah, my firstborn:

He wrote us a note: “Dear Parents, I am thankful for you because you love me. Also, you give me the video games and Legos I want. And you help me with my homework. Also, I am grateful that you comfort me when I am very sick. Finally, I am glad that you set a good example for me so when I grow up I’ll be like you. Sincerely, Josiah”

“Do you mind if I start calling you Mom instead of Mommy? And also, don’t forget to call me Josiah, not Siah. Siah’s too silly, I’m a big boy now, Mom. I just want to change a little bit. I’m older, it’s time your kid changed…”

Through Blood:Water, we bought a biosand filter for a family in Africa. Me, “Josiah, think about it. The biosand filter lasts 20 years. The African family you bought it for will still be using it when you’re my age. Isn’t that cool?” My son responded: “Yeah, I guess. Pause. There’s just one thing, Mommy. You’re not 29, you know.”

Josiah: “Mom, what do you use to clean the itouch screen?” Mom: “That soft ano…” Josiah: “What’s a soft ano?” Mom, pointing toward my laptop with my lips and eyebrows: “That one that I use to clean that.” Josiah: “Huh? Dadddddy!”

I apparently need a fresh supply of brain cells: “I’m sorry Mommy that we took them all when you were pregnant with us”. <insert hysterical laughter here>

“Um, so Mom, since Daddy dated a lot and you didn’t, who should I follow? I mean, you always say I’m so much like Daddy, right?”

Overheard while ironing: “What do you mean you’re never gonna get married, Elijah? Wait until you hit puberty. You’ll change your mind then.” – Josiah, at 10!!!

Josiah: “Mommy, can I go play now? Elijah’s almost done cleaning up his room.” Me: “Supervise him.” Josiah: “But I did most of the work already!” Me: “Welcome to my world.” Josiah: “Why, what does your world look like?” Me: “Hmm. What does Elijah do when you tell him to do something?” Josiah: “He does it.” Me: “See, that’s how it feels like when I–wait what?” Josiah: “He does it.” Me: “Smarty-pants!”

Elijah, our baby:

I got upset with Elijah for not going to bed. He went up in my face, clasped his hands together, closed his eyes and said, “Jesus Lord, please make my Mommy love me. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.”

Elijah was misbehaving. Hubby teasingly told him that he was going to trade him in for a newer model, the Elijah 2.0. Squeezing the tears out, Elijah sobs in my arms: “my life will end if they take me away from you.” The charming ways he gets out of trouble…

“I wasn’t excited to come home today, Mommy. I got in trouble so I knew you were going to be upset with me…wow, the house looks really nice, Mommy. I like what you did with it.”

On messing up his homework: “But that’s okay, Mommy. When I make mistakes, my brain thinks more, and that’s how I learn.” -the smartest kid in his class.

“Wait, Kuya, you don’t love her anymore? But what if you married her? Huh? Remember God said to keep the love…”

I was decorating the tree: “Christmas is the time when you get exactly what you want. And birthdays too…hmm, if Christmas is Jesus’ birthday, what should we get Him?…But how will I give it to Him? I know, someone has to grab my gift and then die and bring it to Jesus in heaven. Great idea?” pregnant pause… “I’m not doing it!…”

Follow up: after worrying about who was going to give Jesus his gift, Elijah looked at me seriously: “You know, Mommy, I don’t think Jesus wants anything. If He did, He can just make it, can’t He, Mommy?

“What did you say, Mommy? Col-lon? What do you mean? Ohhhhh kuh-lone. Listen carefully, Mommy. Kuh-lone. That’s how you say my friend’s last name. Now say it with me. Ready? kuh-lone…you need to work on it, Mommy. And also, it’s Tuh-mas, not Thho-mas. But it’s ok, just practice, ok?” – my 5 yr old teacher.

“Amish families have farms. Farms have chickens, and eggs come from chickens. I LOVE eggs…Really? I can be adopted by an Amish family? And I can have eggs all the time?…This is a hard choice, Mommy. Sigh…I’ll miss you and Daddy and Kuya but I love eggs. Sigh…I guess I have to stay with you. But this is really hard, Mommy. It makes me really sad.” – my almost Amish son

I was looking at the kitchen calendar with Elijah: “That’s your birthday, Mommy? How old will you be? Huh? 20? That’s not old, Mommy. 30—that’s old!”

My little one came crying into the kitchen. He held up a bloody finger and asked me to make the blood go away. I broke out the first aid kit. He watched the blood disappear with huge eyes. After lifting his snotty, tear stained face for a kiss: “You’re the best nurse, Mommy. Sniff. Where’d you learn your great skills?” I live for moments like these.

On forging your own path: “Kuya, I need to borrow your book so I can practice drawing manga. No? Please? Fine, I’ll come up with my own. I’ll call it anga!” – Elijah

Looking at an old picture: “Mommy, you look so skinny here. What happened? You started to eat? A lot? Awww, it’s not too bad. You just grew, that’s all. And I look like you! Except, hmmm, your face has those spots. My skin is clearer. And softer. But I like your eyes, Mommy. They’re pretty.”

Me: “You can’t sleep on my bed. You’re almost 6–you’re a big boy now. Why do you want to sleep here anyway?” Elijah: “Because I want to be close to you. When I’m with you, I’m happy and safe. That’s coz I love you very much. It’s so cozy here with you, Mommy.” <sweet smile> Sigh. Guess who’s sleeping in my bed tonight.

I spent the day ironing clothes, getting ready for school next week. My little one walked into the room, stopped, looked around at the neat piles of clothes then gave me a kiss. “I’m grateful for what you’re doing, Mommy. You know why? Coz I don’t want to have to go outside naked.” Just like that, the weariness is gone and laughter takes its place.

I woke up and complained about the gloomy weather: “It IS raining, Mommy. All day. Why are you sad? You don’t like it? I don’t like it too but I really don’t have a choice. I can’t change the weather.”

“I’m a food hunter, Daddy. I hunt for food and then give them a new home. My tummy.” – Elijah, as he dug into an adult-sized serving of pasta, a slice of pizza, a glass of orange juice and two scoops of ice cream.

“Hi Mommy. Wow, that’s a lot of books. What do you do? (climbs on my lap) Do you just mark those words with a pen? That’s easy, I can do that. I have to read too? Hmmm. I feel bad for you. Can’t you take a break? (pauses as I answer) You only take a break to cook and take care of us? Awww. But what about when you go on facebook? Isn’t that a break too?” Mr. Smarty-Pants

“Sob. I really miss those days when I was young. Life was so easy, Mommy. I just played all day til Kuya came home. Sob. When will you stop tucking me in? I want my life to be this way forever. I can’t kiss and hug myself so you’ll have to keep doing it til I’m a teenager. Sigh/Sob.” Old Man Elijah

We were walking home from the library: “Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom. I really, really need to go pee. Right now! Oh mannn! (tries to run/walk faster) Look at all those trees. I wish I was in the Philippines right now!” –Elijah

Elijah frowns and bends down to look at the ground more closely. “Um, Mommy, has the grass always been green, or is it like this because it’s St. Patrick’s Day?”

“Mommy, it’s time to log out of facebook and take me to school. I’m gonna be late!”

“Mommy, that’s weird. Why is that boy wearing a dress?” I look. It was my first grade picture.

Elijah set the iTouch by my ear and ran off. It was playing You and Me by Lifehouse.

“Mommy, I think I know why Kuya and I don’t look like each other. We’re from different mommies. Or maybe daddies. Maybe his real mother gave him away. And then you took him home. Why is he the one from someone else? Because I want to be the one from you. gigglegiggle”

Elijah looks up from his glass of milk: “Um, Mommy, did they invent milk yet when you were a kid? Why? No offense, Mommy, but you’re kinda short. Is it because you didn’t drink your milk or because they did not invent it yet?”

Elijah is looking at my fb profile. He points, “Mommy, what’s on your mind? That’s what it says right there. So what’s on your mind?” I look at him. “What’s on my mind? Nothing. I’m trying to clear it.” He smiles at me. “What should be on your mind is that your son Elijah loves you.”

“Daddy, I food-love you because you cook for us. But Mommy, you’re my #2 love. Remember, Jesus is #1. So you’re #2. What, Daddy? But who looks older?” [He looks at me reluctantly.] “You, Mommy, coz you work so hard for us. But I love you more, Mommy. So is it okay? You’re 25 but you look older. Daddy’s 40 but he looks younger.”

Out of the mouth of babes. Elijah: “Are you mad at me, Mommy? You kinda hurt my feelings when you snapped at me. I just wanted to know if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean.” Me: “Huh? Oh, I’m sorry, Baby. My mind was somewhere else. I didn’t realize I did that.” Elijah: “You thought I was Daddy?”

Combination Punches:

Josiah: “Mom, when it comes down to it, my brother’s a pharisee. Coz Pharisees invent stuff that you need to follow. Elijah thinks you have to pray a certain way so you don’t cry at school or when we eat he always prays the same way. So that makes him a pharisee.” Elijah: “Kuya, you’re a, um, you’re a, a, um, you’re a tattletale!”

Josiah: “Stop bothering me, Elijah. I have homework to do!” Elijah: “But homework is bad for your brain!”

Question: who wins the war for attention—the psp/ds/computer or Mommy? answer: “We do love you, Mommy, but we don’t have time for you right now.”

I was very proud of Josiah for breaking the record for passing the most safeties/teachers with his shoelaces untied. sniff. and of course, Elijah: “Can I have this fruit roll up? No? Why not? Oopps. I accidentally opened it. Oh well, guess I have to eat it now.”

I was going through Josiah’s schedule for the day with him. In between his regular classes he had a qualifying test, violin class, trash band, no recess and expecting tons of homework. I asked Elijah what was on his agenda: “I know, I know. I’ll try to listen carefully in class and be good.”

While we were looking at my friend Kuya Mhon’s pictures from his trip to Ephesus – Josiah: “Oh, Elijah, look, Paul preached here, look!” Elijah: “Ohhhh. Where’s Paul?” Josiah: “Dead.”

A tip on how to prioritize, one I learned from a wise young man. “Eat the yucky vegetables first, Elijah, then you can enjoy the other food on your plate.” – Josiah

Sad he had to go back to school, Elijah was crying while in line at school. A 5th grader tapped him: “I know why you’re crying.” Elijah swung at the kid and missed. Josiah grinned at me: “The kid said ‘geez!’ and walked away.” I asked Elijah why he did it. “No one makes fun of me!” I scold him then ask Josiah to help his brother apologize tomorrow. He looks at Elijah: “Oh no! He’s on his own. I’m pretending I don’t know him.”

I was going thru Josiah’s schedule for his extracurricular activities. I confirmed with him that on Thursdays, he had to be at school an hour early and stay an hour late. Elijah comes up to me with a seriously worried frown on his face: “Mommy, is my Kuya staying longer at school because he’s tired of me? If I say sorry for annoying him, will he come home with me?”

Oh help. Josiah: “Ejay, when you pray, you put your hands together like this.” Elijah: “Kuya, it’s my body and I can do it any way I like. You do your way with your body, I do my way with my body. And that’s how life is.”

It’s Friday night. Josiah, with a smirk: “Elijah, because you’ve been so good, you get a reward. You get to stay home from school tomorrow and the next day.” Elijah starts jumping up and down: “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Their parents look at each other, shrug then go back to eating.

Overheard: “I told you not to play with my iTouch. You don’t listen! You’re grounded forever! Elijah! What? Mommy can’t help you, she’s in Nashville. Ha!” I walk in the room & Josiah is lying in bed propped up by my pillows, with his glasses on, his arms crossed on his chest. I ask what’s going on. “What? I’m pretending to be Daddy!”

Josiah is a certified bookworm. Elijah, not so much. Tonight, however, he offered to read me a story: “I’ll pick one, but don’t expect too much okay, Mommy? I just upgraded my skills. By the way, Mommy, if I get more fat will I get doo-doos (breasts)? I don’t want to wear doo-doo covers.”

Like good little Baptists – Elijah: “Mommy, can we eat dinner at Fat Daddy Saloon?” Josiah: “No, Ejay! They do really bad things there!” Elijah’s eyes widen. “What kind of bad things, Kuya?” Josiah: “They serve beer there!”

Overhead from the kitchen, on the first day of summer break. Josiah, in a sympathetic voice: “Elijah, did you know today is really the first day of school? You actually slept through summer. We went to water parks, Outer Banks, had fun at the pool and all sorts of things but you just stayed asleep. Daddy had to carry you around. I really feel bad for you.” Elijah looks around, confused. “Mommeeeeee!”

Role Reversal. Me: “Josiah, can you put in the Switchfoot DVD please?” Josiah: “You really should learn how to do it, Mommy. What if I’m not around?” Me: “Then Elijah can do it.” Elijah: “Oh, it’s like we’re mercenaries, Mommy. Except mercenaries get a lot of money. We just get lunch.”

Elijah is jealous of all the attention his Kuya is getting: “He sleeps on your bed & he gets to play on the psp all the time!” I remind him he did the same thing while he was sick. “But why does he get to play until late?” Me, “Because it takes his mind away from being sick.” He pouts, “But you just reminded him.” I stare back, “Of what?” Elijah, “That he’s sick. You just reminded him.” He walks away mad. I just can’t win.

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3 responses »

  1. I spent the day ironing clothes, getting ready for school next week. My little one walked into the room, stopped, looked around at the neat piles of clothes then gave me a kiss. “I’m grateful for what you’re doing, Mommy. You know why? Coz I don’t want to have to go outside naked.” Just like that, the weariness is gone and laughter takes its place.

    LOLLLLLLLLS.

    i love all of them.
    im glad you have them all together now 😀 (in a blog) ;]
    in time—get that book with their quotes published hehe

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